Setbacks

Is there anything more human than experiencing a setback? I mean…how frustrating is it to embark on a journey (learning something new, weight loss, building something, expecting a promotion at work…the list goes on and on and on) and hitting an unexpected wall. Ugh! Sometimes it just makes us want to scream! It feels like all the hard work we’ve put in, all the effort we’ve made, all the plans we’ve followed were a waste of time.

We’ve all experienced a setback in some form or fashion (both personally and professionally). It can make us question our own skills (maybe I’ll never learn how to do this); it can undermine our confidence (maybe I’m just not good enough to accomplish this); it can make us just want to…quit (why bother? I’ll never improve).

Believe me, I’ve been there, experienced all the emotions, said all the “things,” made extreme “never” and “always” statements that were simply a product of the moment (“I’ll never learn to play the freaking guitar! I’ll always suck!”).  

In the psychology world, there is a term referred to as frustration tolerance. It’s basically our ability to endure obstacles, discomfort, or unmet expectations without becoming overwhelmed, reactive, or giving up. And, as you guessed, low frustration tolerance pushes us to give up more quickly than a high frustration tolerance. And it can also have longer term consequences, like avoiding difficult tasks or situations, or looking for a quick “fix” for a problem (that can oftentimes lead to even bigger problems down the road). Low frustration tolerance can be a hindrance to our growth and our ability to embrace change, essential elements of being a human being.

In my years on this earth, I’ve definitely experienced setbacks that have made me want to punch a wall. But I’ve learned a few things along the way. Here’s what’s worked for me:

• Don’t evaluate myself when my frustration is at its peak – I won’t say kind things to or about myself in that moment.

• Embrace the power of “yet,” which I believe to be one of the most powerful words in the English language. For example, I can’t do that…yet. It’s about a growth mindset.

• Step away for a bit and come back to whatever the obstacle/setback/barrier is with a new perspective and a clearer mind.

• Remind myself that it’s just that – a setback. Not the end of a journey.

• Realize that we each grow, learn, and change at our own pace – and that’s ok.

Setbacks are human. Frustration is human. What makes us wonderfully human is how we choose to deal with setbacks, barriers, and obstacles. Are we going to get it right every time? Of course not. But we ALL have the capacity to overcome any setback we encounter on our journey through life.

Until next week.

Cheers,

Andy

(All written content created the old-fashioned way).