Peaks and Valleys

When I was in my mid-20’s, I had my first ever panic attack. I had no idea what was happening to me. I worked for the Catholic church at the time doing peace and social justice work. I was invited to speak to a bunch of high school students about a social justice topic I knew inside and out – and had even spoken about at the UN Human Rights Commission in Geneva.

I walked into the auditorium. Took my place in front of the crowd as the speaker. Began speaking about said topic. Then…about 5 minutes in…I just froze. No words came out. I just looked around the audience. Got up and walked out. The teacher that had invited me walked out with me. I told her I couldn’t do it. I had no idea why. But I can tell you I was full of shame and embarrassment. I felt terrible.

I drove back to the office with my head hung low. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. One gentleman I worked with (and had a ton of respect for) asked me how it went. I told him. Then I began to say things like: I’m never going to do this again, I should just quit this job, etc. He listened patiently. Then he said something to me I’ve never forgotten. Andy, never do any self-analysis or make decisions at a peak or in a valley.

It took me a while to fully understand what he meant. When we are at our lowest moments, it’s easy to beat ourselves up, trash our own worth, want to quit and give up. When we are at our highest moments, it’s easy to inflate our own ego and even be a bit obnoxious about it.

Peaks and valleys. They are very much part of the human journey. We’ve all gone through them. And we’ll all go through them again. As hard as it can be, I’ve learned to give myself some distance from a bad moment in my life before I do a full assessment. Does that mean I don’t have any angst or frustration or obsession over the bad moment? Not at all. Believe me, I feel all the feels. But what I have done is to learn not to make a hasty decision or be too quick to judge in that moment.

Time + perspective = balanced self-reflection.

We tend to be most impatient with ourselves – especially when it comes to judging ourselves during a bad moment. Take a breath. Give yourself some room to absorb and process what just happened. In other words, cut yourself some slack. What could have been done differently? What can I do now? How do I keep this from happening in the future (if possible)? What’s the best way to move forward? Sometimes you’ll have an answer. Sometimes you won’t. And that’s ok.

Peaks and valleys. Welcome to being human. 😁 

Until next week.

Cheers,

Andy

(All written content created the old-fashioned way.)