Validation

In my experience, this is easily one of the most misunderstood terms in society. I mean…how hard is it to validate parking? Just kidding. But it really shouldn’t be that hard to validate parking.

Anyway, I digress. I think, in many instances, our culture treats validation as a weakness. We’re told that seeking validation for our thoughts, ideas, and feelings is being soft. We have to be strong! Suck it up, buttercup! Just get over it! I say phooey.

And I’ve been on the receiving end of what I’ll call “invalidation.” It sucks. I questioned myself. I didn’t feel a sense of connection to people that invalidated my thoughts or feelings (people I thought were friends). At times, I felt adrift. Like I was the only person going through this experience. No thank you.

But validation is an essential part of the human experience. We’re human beings. As human beings, we are social creatures. Community is important to our journey. And a big part of community is validation. True validation isn’t about being weak or needing constant praise.

• Validation is about being understood, which helps us regulate emotions by having our fears, anxieties, depression, anger, etc., recognized and acknowledged by others in proper context. This helps us mitigate the sense of being overwhelmed.

• Validation by others helps us find and trust our inner voices. Trusting our inner voice is essential to navigating all the challenges we will face throughout our lives. In other words, we don’t need outside permission to believe in our own experiences.

• Validation affirms and supports our sense of belonging – whether in a relationship or larger group. And, as humans, we need to belong. We feel connected to others when we are acknowledged and validated by others.

• Validation also helps us be vulnerable and trusting when we know we are in a safe place. For example, we can share our personal struggles and fears with a friend or partner without being judged or derided.

• Finally, validation doesn’t mean tacit agreement or approval. We can acknowledge and humanize another’s experiences, feelings, thoughts, and ideas without agreeing with them. “It makes sense why you were upset about being left out” vs. “You should have yelled at them for being left out.”    

And, yes, I validate parking. 🙃 

Until next week.

Andy

(All written content created the old-fashioned way.)