Toxic Positivity

You may have heard this term. You may have never heard it. Basically, toxic positivity is the act of avoiding, suppressing, or rejecting negative emotions or experiences. We’ve all been around, experienced, and witnessed people who are, generally speaking, almost always negative. Let’s be honest, it’s a drain. These are people we refer to as “takers” because they drain energy from us instead of giving us energy.

On the flip side are folks that are always positive to a fault. This type of positivity functions to reject negative emotions, which is unhealthy. When you share distressful news, you usually get a response like: “It’s all for the best” or “Just try to be positive.” Sometimes it’s not for the best. Sometimes it flat out sucks. Unfortunately, things like social media only contribute to this phenomenon. The public life we are shown in posts is all rainbows, unicorns, and moonbeam ice cream. But…that’s not real life.

Real life is full of ups and downs. Real life is full of heartbreak and joy. Real life is full of depression, sadness, and despair. Real life is full of hope, healing, and humanity. And experiencing all of the associated emotions with good and bad is completely normal (and completely healthy).

I believe most psychologists would agree that toxic positivity is an avoidance technique that serves no good purpose. When we fail to properly express our emotions (and aren’t supported in doing so), we start to foster guilt, shame, sadness, and anxiety. On the other hand, genuine emotional expression is at the core of authenticity. For example, when we lose a job it’s perfectly normal to feel frustrated, angry, and scared. By acknowledging those feelings, we can begin to navigate a path forward. Pretending everything is ok (when it’s not) causes us to stagnate. For me, my biggest step in my journey out of alcoholism was acknowledging that I am an alcoholic. Once I acknowledged that reality, I could make a plan.

Now…is there a place for positivity in the world? Absolutely. We’d be in trouble if there weren’t.  I’m generally a positive person, and I’m (almost) always full of hope. But I also recognize we all have crappy days and simply don’t want to get out of bed. There are days we are simply in a funk, and we don’t even really know why. There are days (weeks, months, years) that bad things happen to us or people we care about; pretending those things don’t exist (and that we don’t have emotional experiences connected to those bad things) doesn’t make them go away.

One of the best ways to counter toxic positivity? Replace it with compassion (both for ourselves and others). It’s ok not being ok every single second of the day. We wouldn’t be human otherwise.

Until next week.

Andy

(All written content created the old-fashioned way.)