The Past

As The Beatles sing in Yesterday: “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.” The past…is a complicated place. When we think about the past, we oftentimes have a tendency to go in one of two directions: 1) fixate on all the good stuff and convince ourselves that life was better “back in the day”; 2) fixate on all the bad stuff and convince ourselves that “no one had it as hard as I did.” Usually, the truth is somewhere in between – good stuff and bad stuff mixed together.

We all have stories and memories that have helped shape the person we are today, no question about it. There are things we draw on from our past for inspiration, and there are experiences from our past that help crystallize our current world view. But sometimes we can get stuck in the past.

I have a friend who laments how things were in the past with his kids. He wishes he had been more present. He wishes he had spent more time sharing his beliefs and world view. He wishes he had been a better father. When we chat, the subject often comes around to the past and mistakes he made. I tell him it’s good to acknowledge the mistakes he feels he made. Then I ask him (in my kindest and most supportive voice 😉): “But what are you going to do about it now and tomorrow?” I ask him how he is going to focus his time and energy from here on out, because that’s what really matters.

When we focus on things from our past that we could do (like eating anything we wanted in our 20’s without gaining weight) but can’t do now or should have done differently (like being more present for our family) but didn’t, we get stuck in a negative loop that inhibits our growth as human beings.  

This may come as a surprise, but we can’t change the past. 😄 But we can change how we engage with our past to ensure we continue our journey forward. Some of it has to do with not beating ourselves up for things we “should” have done differently. Some of it has to do with being comfortable in our “today” bodies. Some of it has to do with giving ourselves space and grace to be human. These changes are good things – it means we are alive.  

Acknowledging the past is important – just do it looking through the front windshield instead of the rearview mirror. 😃 

Until next week.

Cheers,

Andy