Regret

Regret is…a complicated and complex experience that channels many emotions. Is regret helpful as we navigate our human journey? Or does it hold us back and keep us from growing? The answer is…yes and yes. It can all depend on how we respond to something we view as regretful.

I’ve had friends throughout the years that have (seemingly) lived portions of their lives in regret. For many, it was more the actions they didn’t take than the actions they did. Not applying for that job. Not going on that study abroad program. Not asking that boy/girl out on a date. Not submitting that essay for that writing contest. Not speaking up when they had the chance.

What role, exactly, does regret play in our lives? From my experience, regret seems to be a balancing act between not giving a shit at all and getting too caught up in previous scenarios that revolve around “coulda’, shoulda’, woulda’” thinking. I shoulda’ invested in that stock when I had a chance. If I’d been more courageous, I coulda’ said something in that moment. Upon reflection, I woulda’ handled the situation differently.

Here's how I think regret can be useful in helping us move forward (instead of stagnating in the past):

• Action: Is there anything I can do to correct my recent action (or inaction)? If yes, do it. If not, move on but use it as a lesson to inform future actions.

•  Insight: Did I learn anything about myself through my regretful action (or inaction)? If you’ve gained any insight about yourself or your behavior, that’s growth.

• Mending Fences: Does a regretful action (or inaction) give you the impetus to fix a broken relationship? That’s a major step forward if the answer is yes.

•  Be OK: Does beating ourselves up about a decision or action improve the situation in any way? No, not really. Don’t be too hard on ourselves. Find a way to make it right – or learn something different for next time.

The downside of stewing in regret can have long-term effects on our well-being, including chronic stress, immune system imbalance, and depression among other negative consequences.

The thing is, we all make decisions or perform actions (or take no action) we wish we could change (sometimes immediately, sometimes in the distant future). Nobody is immune to regret. No one. Not a single person on this planet. The key is how we use regret to shape or reshape our world view and use it as a positive force. If we let regret consume us, we will stall and stagnate. Guaranteed.

Until next week,

Andy

(All written content created the old-fashioned way.)