Loss

If there’s any experience that is an inevitable part of the human journey, it’s loss. We are ALL going to experience it at some point in our lives. Sometimes loss is irksome and annoying (like losing our keys or our credit cards). Sometimes loss is heart-wrenching and life-altering (like losing a loved one).

I lost my Dad in my mid-20’s. He was an influential figure in my life (in a very good way). He smoked for most of his younger years after enlisting in the Navy in World War II. By the time he quit, it was too late. The cancer cells were already spreading and destroying his body. He was 64 when he died. Even though I knew it was coming, I felt like I lost a part of my soul that day.

But then I stumbled across this quote: What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us. Over the years, I realized that my Dad is still very much with me – sometimes in the decisions I make; sometimes in the way I behave toward others; and sometimes in the way I look at the world.

We all deal with loss in different ways. It’s a very personal experience. Some of us are resolutely stoic and pretend like nothing has changed. Some of us are incredibly emotional and prone to fits of crying or laughter that are triggered by memories and shared experiences (ok, that might have been me). Some of us are deeply reflective and contemplative, receding into an inner shell that allows us to process what happened (ok, that might have also been me). Some of us feel a call to action perpetuated by loss. Some of us are all of the above at different stages along the journey. While we may all process loss differently, there is no question that it affects us in some form or fashion.

It's also important to process loss at your pace. I’ve read, heard, and experienced enough stories of: “Come on, it’s been two years. Are you still in mourning?” Or: “Isn’t it time to move on?” No, it isn’t.

You can find any number of guides, lists, and recommendations about how to deal with loss and process grief. But there are three common elements that I see across all of the suggestions that really emphasize (to me) the human parts of who we are:

• Give yourself permission to feel. Feel all the feels.

• Talk to someone. Human connection and community are incredibly powerful.

• There is no timeframe for processing loss. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 

One of the best movies on loss I’ve seen is this one. Bring a box of tissues.

Loss can shape us. It can compel us. It can hinder us. It can focus us. It can sometimes keep us from moving forward. It can feel like our world has come to an end. But moving forward is essential, even if it’s now in a new direction. And that doesn’t mean you aren’t still processing loss. It just means you’ve begun a new journey.

But one truism we can’t escape – loss will always be part of the human experience.

Until next week.

Cheers,

Andy

(All written content created the old-fashioned way.)