Expectations

The common response to the question “did it/he/she/they meet your expectations?” is “I didn’t really have any expectations.” Sure you didn’t. 😉 We all have expectations – whether we want to or not. The human mind is practically incapable of not thinking. In other words, we are always thinking – even if on the subconscious level. For example, If I say, “Don’t’ think of a pink elephant.” You’re going to think of a pink elephant. You can’t help it.

Expectations work in much the same way. Going to see a new movie? You have a preconceived notion about it before you ever go. Have a new coworker? You have an expectation how they should dress or behave on the job before you ever meet them. Eating at a new restaurant? Ditto. Moving to a new town? 100 percent. Your mind is going to formulate some image or idea of what something should be. You can’t help it.

When I moved to Bismarck from Austin a couple of years ago, I certainly had some conscious expectations about the move. After all, I’d visited here before (both summer and winter). I expected it be cold in the winter. I was right. I also expected it to be pleasant in the summer. I was right. I expected life to move at a much slower pace. I was right.

But I also had some subconscious expectations. For example, in the back of my mind, I expected Bismarck to be provincial. It’s not – there’s a tremendous amount of culture here. I also thought I’d need some major winter boots. I bought some in Austin. I’ve worn them once in two years. Day-to-day life in the winter months is very different from what I expected (in a good way).

As I’ve gotten older, the thing I’ve realized about expectations is that they are far more a reflection of me (and oftentimes they are unfair expectations) than they are of any person I’ve met, movie I’ve seen, restaurant I’ve patronized, or city I’ve moved to. My expectations (like everyone else’s) are shaped by many factors. Some are obvious – like things I’ve read about or heard about. Some are not so obvious – like our everyday interactions in the world subtly shaping our views.  

I’ve also realized that every single one of us will have expectations for every new encounter we have from this day forward (even if we say: “I don’t really have any expectations”). We may even raise our expectations or lower them, depending on the circumstance.  The key is to be aware of those expectations, acknowledge those expectations, and be open to adjusting our expectations if they weren’t exactly what we were…well…expecting.

Expectations become a hindrance when they become rigid and shape how we interact with the world around us – when we expect everything to be understood, viewed, interpreted, and acted upon in OUR way.

We’re going to wrap it up with a Dad joke.

I got a new pen that can write under water. It can write other words, too.

Bet you didn’t expect that. 😁 

Until next week.

Cheers,

Andy